hatesthefood | (no subject)

First, there's a flurry of motion, a group locked in a deadly struggle for survival. The battle was brutal, the ground under their feet soon damp with vivid splotches of crimson. One by one, the men fell.

The survivor stood in a pool of blood, three bodies scattered around him; one, a younger man that looked like a much younger Mamoru, bloody and wrapped in razor sharp wire. The second was a lanky redhead, his katana still held in his lifeless hand. The third was a tall blonde wearing broken sunglasses and what looked like an almost wry smile frozen on his pale face.

Ken's face was blank, blood seeping from wounds above his eye and along his cheek but there's almost no recognition of pain. Then, he threw his head back and screamed, his hands flexing gloved fingers so blood soaked that the creak would be audible to anyone standing close to him.

[ooc: The battle near the end of the Weiss OVA. If you've never seen the Ken in action, it's a good peek into just how good he is. Feel free to try and talk to him but I'm not promising he'll be very coherent... or nice. ^^;]

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"I guess I wanted to figure out where I stood with you, after everything."

Mamoru looked up to him, his eyes dark.

"Weiss -- you -- will always be the best thing in my life."

Ken paused, looking down at him. His hand twitched with the urge to reach up and smooth some of the hair from Mamoru's forehead but he didn't dare. It wasn't his place anymore.

"I feel the same way."

Mamoru nodded shortly,turning away.

Ken watched him for a long moment, his gaze sad before he started walking again.

Mamoru sighed, catching up to him with a few unhurried strides.

"You know, I can't make you happy if I don't know what you want."

"It isn't your job to make me happy, Mamoru. I just... "

He sighed again, glad his hands were shoved in his pockets so they wouldn't be fidgiting.

"It isn't important."

"Clearly, it is, or you wouldn't be acting this way," Mamoru said. He wasn't fooled by the way Ken hid his fingers in his pockets. He hugged himself tighter to stay still.

"Acting like what? Hell, what do you want from me? I lost not only someone I loved but my best friend when you left!"

He was facing the other man now, face the most open it'd been since Mamoru had left.

Mamoru closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Did you? Or did you lose him when Omi left? Be honest, Ken."

"If I didn't care about Mamoru Takatori, then I wouldn't have cried the night he left. I'd still be sleeping at night."

Shaking his head, he stepped back, then turned to walk away.

That was unfair. Mamoru closed his eyes, forcing down tears of his own.

"Nothing I do is going to make you happy. Even now."

"No one makes me happy anymore, Mamoru. No one. Not now."

His voice was soft, leaving him sounding like a lost child.

"...you say Omi's dead and he might very well be, but there are times I still see a shadow of him in your eyes. I just don't think you even know it's there."

He took a few steps, then paused.

"... I'm sorry. I really am sorry I wasn't enough for you anymore because I loved you no matter who you are. You're still the person I trust most in life. I'd die for you."

Mamoru sighed, tightening his arms around himself.

"You were enough for me. The only one who thinks you weren't is you."

He let Ken go, not moving to call him back. But he did add, "I wish I could bring him back, but I can't afford to. Emotionally. I need the distance."

"Then why didn't you make me feel like I was?"

Ken sighed and reached into the bulk of his coat, pulling out his bladed gloves. He spared a moment to look down at them, checking the release mechanisim before he pulled them on.

"... be careful not to distance yourself from the people that care about you. It hurts them and sooner or later, they'll get tired of being hurt by your distance."

Mamoru closed his eyes.

"I don't like it either," he whispered, watching Ken. "It doesn't matter. There's no one who cares about me anymore." And if there were -- his grandfather would have them removed. He'd only just gotten the man to spare Weiss.

"If you don't like it, then change it, and don't say no one cares. Umi does and I dare you to call her a nobody. So does Uta."

Walking away, he paused, flexing his hands until the metal claws reflected nearby streetlights.

"I always did."

Mamoru curled his hands into fists, watching Ken leave.

"You're not the only one hurting, Ken."

"I know I'm not but you need to stop lying to yourself about not having anyone that cares for you. You know it's bullshit and it's about time someone called you out on it. Since you got back, you've been pushing people away and that's your doing. I know you say you have to keep your distance emotionally, but why? This isn't like it is back home. We're all we've got to keep out sanity and I've got precious little of that to spare."

"Because it hurts too much to go back and forth."

There. It was out now.

That made Ken stop.

"Pain is part of the life we've been given. It's the part that reminds us we're still alive. Love reminds us we're still human enough to feel anything more than pain."

"Maybe," Mamoru said. "But I can't even go out for a walk without upsetting you."

He sighed and let the blades slide back into hiding.

"I just 'woke up' from a dream that made me remember just how much I like the feel of blood on my skin. I'm a little disturbed and I was before I came out here."