hatesthefood

Current Mood: cold

voice

The snow really is beautiful but I think I'm ready for it to clear up. I'm tired of my feet being wet when I walk to work and besides, I can't wait for spring. I can play soccer then even though there isn't a team here. Still, there's nothing quite like kicking a ball around when the weather is just perfect.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Good.

I think it's the one constant I have in my life that isn't dealing with death.

I'll see you when you come home.

Ken arrived quite a while later, bundled up against the cold night air. He'd been Underground looking over the spot he and Umi would be training in, wanting to make sure it was safe enough. He knew it was late so he made sure to be quiet as he started to peel off his layers, softly shushing the noisy greeting from Gent.

Once more, Mamoru was in bed when Ken got home, though this time he was bundled up in his normal long sleeved shirt and pajama pants. He wasn't asleep when Ken came in, but he stayed still, waiting to see if the other boy would come to bed or not.

After a quick drink and snagging a few grapes he found in the kitchen, Ken leaned against the counter, his ears listening for any sound of his roommate coming to say hello. Ken sighed softly when he waited a few minutes longer, silently wishing he'd at least earned a 'hello' from the other boy. Groaning under his breath, he reached up and ran his hand through his hair, fingers tightening to pull on it for a moment before he let it drop limply to his side.

"... I miss you. I miss us."

Mamoru heard the quiet murmur and he sighed, slipping from the covers and walking into the kitchen. He made a brief stop in the bathroom, first, to splash cool water on his face. When he made it to the kitchen, there were still drops caught in his eyelashes.

"You should come to bed and warm up." Ken must be freezing -- though he clearly wanted to spend time with Umi more than his so-called lover. If Ken missed him so much, why had said Mamoru was no longer a part of his life?

Ken glanced up at the sound of his voice, completely unaware that he was there until he heard him. Some assassin, huh? He offered him a sheepish smile.

"Yeah... it's kinda chilly outside."

Mamoru nodded, watching him quietly.

"Alright."

He turned to go back to bed before he lost his composure.

"What is it?"

He asked it before he even really thought of it.

"Nothing," Mamoru said, glancing back over his shoulder. "Come to bed when you're ready." If Ken even wanted to, with him there.

"Damn it, you're still hiding from me."

He didn't mean for his voice to sound so sharp. He really didn't but the walking on eggshells around Mamoru added to the far too much time he spent at the Koneko had taken their toll on Ken.

"I'm not hiding from you." Mamoru fought to keep his voice calm, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm going to bed. There's a difference."

"I know you're smarter than I am but that doesn't mean you have to be a smartass."

Again, the words were there before he thought about it.

Damnit. He'd cried once already tonight and he was not going to cry again. Especially not in front of Ken. He wouldn't give the bastard the validation.

"If you don't want then say so, so I can leave with some dignity."

Ken's eyes went a little wide and he didn't even realize his hands had clenched into loose fists before he turned away and headed back towards where his coat lay draped over the back of a chair near the door.

Mamoru wasn't going to stop him. Ken had already told him that he no longer had space for the other man in his life. If Ken wanted to leave, fine. Mamoru would be gone by morning.

Coat on, he paused, head sagging low.

"... am I not good enough for you to talk to anymore?"

Mamoru paused, half way to the bedroom, then shook his head. He kept his back to Ken so the other Weiss wouldn't see the way his fingers curled into his shirt.

"I'm not a part of your life anymore. Don't put this on me."

"Not part of my life? Excuse me?"

Ken turned back towards him, frowning.

"That's what you said." Mamoru wasn't moving, but he leaned against the wall for support.

"Go. I'll be out of here by the time you get back."

"... you'd leave me again, huh? Just like that?"

Yes, he sounded a little bitter.

By now, it was impossible for Mamoru to keep his voice even, but he did his best.

"You've made it clear you don't want me."

"Since when?"

He wasn't having much luck controlling his own voice now.

"Since soccer became the only thing of worth in your life."

Mamoru swallowed hard and took the last few steps toward the bedroom, his legs shaking slightly. He stayed close to the wall so Ken wouldn't see.

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